Laisse Tomber Les Filles

Stoya™: The Choice Of Motherhood and Insidious Drug Store Signage

Sat, 18 May 2013 17:34:56 -0400

Stoya™: The Choice Of Motherhood and Insidious Drug Store Signage:

I had the privilege of growing up with a second wave feminist/reformed hippy mother. Before I sprouted my first pubic hair she handed me a mirror and a flashlight and told me to get to know my vagina. I was raised to believe that my body was mine to share with whoever I chose, whether that was one man, a couple of women, or a whole bunch of people over the course of my life. My mom home schooled me for most of my childhood, and the parts of history that most excited her were the struggles for social change. When I was in 4th grade we drove down to Atlanta and took a tour of an old plantation. Afterwards we stood on the giant lawn and my mother’s bright green eyes turned an unsettling shade of yellow from emotional overstimulation as she educated me about the history of -isms in America and how important freedom and tolerance are.

A year or so later we found this book, ‘The Movers and Shakers,’ in a used bookstore outside of Charlotte. It was about activists in the sixties. The black cover with orange and yellow writing made the contents seem urgent but the dust and used book smell made it seem old and historical, like something important had happened in the distant past. This book prompted my mother to share her own experiences of being a young adult in the early seventies. She’d fought for civil rights, she’d celebrated when Roe vs. Wade was decided in favor of reproductive rights, and she’d been the only woman working in the engineering department at a nuclear plant when she got pregnant with me. I was ten or eleven when I first heard these stories. I thought my mom was positively ancient and I had little contact with other kids or the outside world. I believed she’d helped make the world a better place a very long time ago and thought that everyone was accepting of everyone else now. I thought that all the battles for human rights had been won already and I imagined prejudice as a relic of the past; if it still existed it must have been decaying next to a gramophone or ice box in a junkyard somewhere. I saw the effects of the sexual revolution and the right to abortion as gifts that my mother’s generation had given mine.

The first time someone tried to shame me for sexual activities, I thought they were the cultural equivalent of the missing link. It took me years to really understand that there are at least as many anti-equality, anti-sex work, anti-homosexual, and anti-all sorts of other things people in the world as there are people who think like me. Sometimes I still forget. For instance, when I said in my first article for Vice that “I’ve been pretty successful at avoiding pregnancy.” I was surprised when people assumed that meant I’d never had an abortion. What I should have said was that given the amount of sex I’ve had (and without doing the actual math) three abortions seems statistically low. In the same way I feel entitled to have the kind of sex I want to have, purchase condoms, leave the kitchen, wear shoes, and put my body through attempts to find a hormonal birth control method that works for me, I feel entitled to have an abortion when necessary. They’re a last resort and I do try to avoid them, but an abortion is still a better option in my opinion than an unwanted child. All three of my abortions were medication induced. Taking RU-486 to end a pregnancy is more painful than my worst period but less painful than a burst ovarian cyst.

Just like I prefer to avoid getting pregnant at all, I’d prefer to always catch unwanted pregnancies as early as possible and avoid the more invasive aspiration or dilation and evacuation procedures. I will take a pregnancy test if I don’t see my period for 29 days or if it’s suspiciously light. I’ve been on Loestrin 24Fe (a kind of hormonal birth control) since January 7th. I take my pill every single day between 7 and 9 am. I missed one of the placebo/iron supplement pills about a month ago and took a double dose the next day. I’ve heard that this pill occasionally causes women to stop menstruating entirely, but I haven’t seen anything resembling full-on menstruation for a suspiciously long time and I have actually taken pregnancy tests when I haven’t even touched a penis for months just to see the little minus sign or the “not pregnant” and be happy that there’s at least one thing that isn’t currently a problem if I’m having a bad week. So I went to the drugstore a couple of days ago and got a pregnancy test from the family planning aisle.

The phrase family planning hanging on a sign above the pregnancy tests and condoms irritates me because it implies that everyone plans to have a family at some point. As the cashier was ringing me up another woman behind the counter asked me how my day was going. I told her that I was on birth control, pointed out that I was purchasing a pregnancy test and a bottle of Aleve, and said she probably didn’t want to hear the actual answer. She chuckled awkwardly and wandered off. I usually go for EPT or Clearblue, but this time I went with First Response. When I pulled out the test and instructions, a cardboard gizmo fell out. First Response has taken the presumption that everyone wants to have a baby one step further by including a congratulatory contraption that tracks one’s due date and has a helpful form on the back for “Moments & Milestones” including possible baby names, birth time, and weight. I’d hoped that the asterisk next to “A general guide for your enjoyment.” would lead to a footnote saying “You know, if you’re interested in having a baby.” but it was a disclaimer stating that only a physician can determine due dates. I grumbled while I waited three minutes for the results and seethed when both tests came up with error messages.

Inferior products aside, the thing that makes me angry is the insidious suggestion that all women want children and the subtle shaming of people who exercise their reproductive rights. This is part of the reason women feel the need to say things like “I only had one abortion” or “a baby at that point would have ruined my college prospects.” I resent the way this sneaky societal pressure has wormed itself into my brain enough that I feel the need to explain my mild latex allergies and issues with hormonal birth control or follow the number of pregnancies I’ve terminated with a reminder of how many sexual acts I’ve engaged in when talking about my own abortions. I’m uncomfortable about the way that I’ve allowed these messages to undermine my belief in my rights enough to feel defensive about exercising them. Every time that a woman like Molly Crabapple or Chelsea G. Summers vocally stands behind their decision to abort, it’s a drop in the bucket that maintains balance against people like Todd Akin and Jack Dalrymple. It reminds me that the freedoms we do have are precarious and that a sizable chunk of America sees women, homosexuals, and anyone who is different than they are as lesser beings… and that sucks.

PREACH.

"These are the arguments author Corinne Maier uses in her book to persuade readers to just say no to..."

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 22:16:18 -0400

“

These are the arguments author Corinne Maier uses in her book to persuade readers to just say no to having children. Each reason gets a chapter.

The desire for children: A false aspiration.
Childbirth is torture.
Don’t become a travelling feeding bottle.
Continue to amuse yourself.
Subway-job-kids: No thank you!
Hold onto your friends.
Do not adopt the idiot language we use to address children.
To open the nursery is to close the bedroom.
Child, the killer of desire.
They are the death knell of the couple.
To be or to make: You shouldn’t have to choose.
The child is a kind of vicious dwarf, of an innate cruelty.
It is conformist.
Children are too expensive.
You become an ally of capitalism.
They will destroy your time and your freedom.
The worst drudgery for the parents.
Do not be deceived by the notion of the ideal child.
You will inevitably be disappointed by your child.
To become a merdeuf (soccer mom) - what horror!
Parenting above all else - no thanks.
Block your professional path with children.
Families: They are horror and cruelty.
Don’t fall into an overgrown childhood.
To persist in saying “me first” is a badge of courage.
A child will kill the fond memories of your childhood.
You will not be able to prevent yourself from wanting your child to be happy.
Child care is a set of impossible dilemmas.
School: a prison camp with which you’ll have to make a pact.
To raise a child, but toward what kind of future?
Flee from the benevolent blandness.
Parenting will make you soft.
Motherhood is a trap for women.
To be a mother, or to succeed: You must choose.
When the child appears, the father disappears.
The child of today must be a perfect child: a brave new world.
Your child will be in constant danger from pedophiles and pornographers.
Why contribute to a future of unemployment and social exclusion?
There are too many children in the world.
Turn your back on the ridiculous rules of the “good” parent.

”

- http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/parenting/i-really-regret-it-i-really-regret-having-children/article1200668/?page=all

'I really regret it. I really regret having children'

Sat, 16 Mar 2013 22:15:49 -0400

'I really regret it. I really regret having children':

New word: merdeuf, literally “egg shitter.”

Aisha Tyler is childfree? Hell yeah!

Tue, 12 Mar 2013 13:45:59 -0400

Aisha Tyler is childfree? Hell yeah!

Photo

Sat, 09 Mar 2013 23:53:58 -0500

Right on, Susan. Right on.

Wed, 06 Mar 2013 17:16:04 -0500

Right on, Susan. Right on.

Photo

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 17:40:43 -0500

Toast USB Hand Warmers I MUST HAVE THESE.

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 16:17:52 -0500

Toast USB Hand Warmers

I MUST HAVE THESE.

black people: black pride!

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 15:38:46 -0500

black people: black pride!
native people: native pride!
latino people: latino pride!
gay people: gay pride!
white people: white pri- *stabbed and then burned alive*

Um, there's a pretty damn good reason for that though. White people have oppressed everyone else for centuries, so them saying white pride is basically just them enforcing the white supremacist system. Not impressed.

Also worth noting that 'stabbed and burned alive' here means 'disdained and criticized' as opposed to, yanno, actually beaten, enslaved, and murdered. Boo hoo, white people. Boo hoo.

"I know it’s not the most feminist idea to be a woman in a tower wanting to be rescued, but for a..."

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 01:58:09 -0500

“I know it’s not the most feminist idea to be a woman in a tower wanting to be rescued, but for a woman of color in this country, we’ve never been afforded that fairy tale because of how the black family was ripped apart [during slavery],” Washington said. “I really saw the value of having a story that empowers the African American man to do something chivalrous for the African American woman, because that hasn’t been an idea that has held women back in the culture — it’s something we’ve never been allowed to dream about.”

- ‘Django Unchained’ was more than a role for Kerry Washington - latimes.com (via npr)

The black people on my dash seem to uniformly despise Django Unchained, but this is something I really noticed on Tumblr - where the white women dream of working and making money, the black women are like “actually, I would quite like to be a princess”.

My dreams remain white woman dreams, but I can see their point and I promise that if/when I write a princess she will look like Alex Wek.

(via ilikelookingatnakedmen)

See, and that’s a point that so many fucking Black folks will literally eat Black women alive for.

I’ve been harangued and slandered and cussed out on tumblr for daring to say that as a Black woman, I wanted to be treated with delicacy, that I wanted to see a Black woman be the damsel in distress.

WE NEVER GET TO BE THAT.

And white women can go straight to hell when they try to tell me that for me, that isn’t a feminist achievement.

We don’t get chivalry. We don’t get saved.

We get shit on and told to WORK TILL YOU DIE.

And I don’t give a fuck if it means I’m ‘giving up my spine’ if mothafuckas wanna say that’s what it is.

I’ll be spineless and PAMPERED AND SPOILED in my fantasies.

(via sourcedumal)

I have no desire to see the film but I think that’s awesome Kerry was allowed to be able to portray a role that she felt captured that and that means so much to not just her, but many Black women. And yes, source has gotten too much shit just got wanting something we are rarely afforded due to white supremacy.
(via strugglingtobeheard)
Could this also be the reason a certain group of feminists are shitting on Michelle Obama? Because she is treated like a queen by the President and she isn’t the mule white supremacy expects her to be.
(via preciousdivineenergy)
Nahh my nigga. I’ve been brought in slaves ships,back broken working on the cotton fields,raped by massa,raised massa children,being a mammy,scrubbing toilets while white women burn there bras,stood behind my black man when he abounded us,still working,back still broken.

I’VE BEEN A BITCH WORKING EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE! From day 1! No special treatments.No stay at home momma here,to busy being some white child’s mammy. Never been soft,been working too hard to enjoy that.
So while white women trying to run out of the kitchen,Black women trying to run into it.
We never got to be soft. To be docile. To be a kept woman. BLACK WOMEN WERE THE ONES DOING TO KEEPING! So now,put us up on a pedestal.We’ve been doing the rescuing for 300 years. Now rescue us.
(via jello404)

White people are complaining about Quvenzhané's name...

Tue, 26 Feb 2013 01:46:27 -0500

morenamagialaleontyne:

But rest assured: the issue is not with Quvenzhané’s name. It’s the fact that it’s attached to an adorable and talented little Black girl’s body. If Quvenzhané was White, White people would most definitely find a way to get around the uniqueness of her name and pronounce it correctly.

"In fact, people are still expected to provide reasons not to have children, but no reasons are..."

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 18:44:05 -0500

“In fact, people are still expected to provide reasons not to have children, but no reasons are required to have them. It’s assumed that if individuals do not have children it is because they are infertile, too selfish or have just not yet gotten around to it. In any case, they owe their interlocutor an explanation. On the other hand, no one says to the proud parents of a newborn, Why did you choose to have that child? What are your reasons? The choice to procreate is not regarded as needing any thought or justification.”

- Christine Overall (via damnfinecupoftea)

I love how it still manages to put in a variation of the, “But it’s all worth it!”...

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 16:51:26 -0500

I love how it still manages to put in a variation of the, “But it’s all worth it!” bingo at the very end.

Sundry Bloody Sundry: I Want to See a Fat Girl

Tue, 15 Jan 2013 19:56:33 -0500

Sundry Bloody Sundry: I Want to See a Fat Girl:

sundrybloodysundry:

I want to see a fat girl in a leading role of a film.

I want to see a fat girl in a leading role of a film that isn’t about her weight.

I want to see a fat girl wearing mini skirts or just whatever the fuck she’s comfortable in.

I want to see a fat girl kick some bad guy’s ass.

I want to see…

Photo

Mon, 14 Jan 2013 22:02:16 -0500

ourpoeticlives: oculousreparo: fuckmegentlywitha2x4: brock-oba...

Tue, 08 Jan 2013 17:37:39 -0500

ourpoeticlives:

oculousreparo:

fuckmegentlywitha2x4:

brock-obama:

Owls confirmed to be the creepiest birds ever. LOOK AT THE FUCKING THINGS. If you fail to notice the one on the left fucking SWALLOWING a rat, then you have the dude singing some satanic chant or something next to him, and then you have those two other fucking psychos synchronized to make you feel creeped the fuck out with their soulless dance of FUCKING DOOM.

I really am tempted to reblog this every time it’s on my dash. That description is one of the best things on the internet.

Yeahhhh, I want this on my blog again.

Why I am childfree: A list

Thu, 03 Jan 2013 13:07:33 -0500

Why I am childfree: A list

Anonymous regretful moms post

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 22:54:58 -0500

littleelk:

“I feel the same way. After I got pregnant, I realized I didn’t want the baby. I promised the dad I would never abort his children, and I thought we could make it work. We are both miserable with this child. One reason we split up was so that we could at least have some time to ourselves and enjoy a full night’s sleep twice a week.

Just this morning, I thought about how I used to pray for a miscarriage. Now I just can’t wait to get her out of the house. I work 3 nights gladly so that I don’t have to go through the ordeal of getting this 3 year old to bed.

I feel terrible about feeling this way, and I realized there must be other people who feel the same. There is such a conspiracy of silence about this, so we all feel horrible about it. But I wish I could go back in time and keep my IUD in. I miss that life so much. I only hope it gets better as she gets older.”
_________________________________________

“Say that again. I hate being a mom and most days I wish I would have never met my husband and never had kids. I hate even more that I had this awful desire to be married with kids. If I knew then what I know now I would have ran from any relationship with anything that looked like a man and been happy all by my damn self.”
__________________________________________

“I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND!!!! I hate my life to. I just feel sad and mad all the time! I don’t want to be a mom or wife anymore. I am so annoyed always having to do shit for everyone else. Cook clean..clean some more..and more and more. It never ends. I feel like my kids destroyed my body! I hate my life soooo much I some times just don’t want to be here anymore. I feel like a zombie. DON’T HAVE KIDS!!! BAD IDEA”
__________________________________________

“I constantly feel that if only someone had told me the truth, I would have spared myself and my husband this miserable life, and could have spared two beautiful children this disgusting world.”
____________________________________________

“I am so sad! i got married, bought a house so next step have kids “right” well it was a mistake. My two children are here now. I brought them into this world and i will love them and take care of them. But every day I feel “stuck & Sad” I feel like life is just passing me by. no life, no real friens i can count on. just cooking, cleaning, bath time, dropping kids off of school, bring them to dance, karate, gymnastics. WOW! this is not what i wanted. What happened to me?”
______________________________________________

“You are right. It’s a sham and we have all been lied too, either out of malice/manipulation or just people being numb/dumb/brainwashed. But you know what? Our moms did not have the Internet at our age. They could have never googled anything, because there was no google. Just think how many women we are going to help with sites like these. I honestly feel it’s a major revolution that we are right in the middle of. We’re going to help so many people cope who’ve had kids they shouldn’t have, and we have the opportunity to speak HONESTLY with our kids some day and NEVER pressure them into having kids or giving us “grandchildren” – ugh!!!!! I get so angry when I think of how many women in my family who KNOW me could have saved me from this – but didn’t – or – “couldn’t” because they didn’t have the words or thought it was taboo. Let’s end that. Let’s be the LAST generation who let’s their kids be totally bamboozled. You can be totally in love with your kids, as I am, but hate your life and be in absolute MOURNING for everything that children take away (steal) from your lives.”
___________________________________________

Sometimes I read the ‘regretful mom confessions’ on anonymous threads on the internet, and am always horrified about the brainwashing of women and females. The other part that’s horrifying is that culturally, anonymity + the internet is the only socially acceptable outlet that these people have and even still they feel the need to conceal things behind qualifiers and encryptions because just saying it outright will somehow make them a bad person for having these feelings. Also sulking in private it ok, as long as you still uphold motherhood in the eyes of the public.

That’s what those statements like ‘well, it’s all worth it’ after the list of horrible things are for.

Think of how stigmatized it is to admit something like ‘I hate motherhood’ or ‘I wish I never had kids.’

tommyconlonsmouthguard: Sometimes I fantasize about receiving a Christmas card that simply says,...

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 22:10:31 -0500

tommyconlonsmouthguard:

Sometimes I fantasize about receiving a Christmas card that simply says, “Tubal Ligation: Tomorrow 9:30 a.m.” And then I get there and the waiting room is a spa and the nurses do complimentary mani/pedis and they play music about how wonderful our vaginas are and the anesthesia tastes like champagne and the recovery room is full of ridiculously attractive people applauding and at the end I get to take home a puppy and….and….and I just really don’t want children.

A sterilization spa would be amazing and probably make bank.

yourfaceandthebeautifuleyes: THANK YOU YES. Let’s...

Mon, 31 Dec 2012 22:00:28 -0500

yourfaceandthebeautifuleyes:

THANK YOU

YES. Let’s not forget that Florida has had two innocent black kids just living their life gunned down this year because apparently we’re threatening just for existing. Demanding gun control and limiting on who can own what kind of gun is not infringing on your “right” to own a gun. It’s acknowledging that gun ownership rights do not supercede the right to live. To go to school, go to a mall, go to the house of your chosen faith, to go to a convenience store and get some Skittles and iced tea while wearing a hoodie without meeting a vicious end via bullet. Keep in mind that Fall 2012 also marked the 10-year anniversary of the sniper shootings here in the D.C. Metro area. I clearly remember the atmosphere of fear that permeated the area, especially after the 13-year old was shot in front of his school. “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.” Yes, but guns make it a whole lot more efficient. Cowards hide behind guns. You’re not a badass with a gun. You want to kill me? Use a fucking knife and see if you can catch me. You want to kill me? You’re going to have to work for it. The same day the Sandy Hook massacre happened, on the other side of the world, a man in China snapped and stabbed 22 schoolchildren at an elementary school. While 20 children, two full first-grade classes, died in Sandy Hook, all the children stabbed in China survived. “Everybody should be armed, then these things would happen.” Yeah, nobody will dare to shoot up places where people are armed and trained. Oh, wait. IT’LL STILL FUCKING HAPPEN. If you’re insane enough to randomly shoot innocent people in droves, the fact that some people are packing heat isn’t going to stop you. All that’s going to happen is we’ll have gun nuts, whose extent of training is shooting at stationary rusty cans and cardboard cut outs and have never been trained to stay frosty in a high-adrenaline situation when accuracy can and will go to hell, shooting wildly and the body count will only be higher. “Israel’s teachers get to have guns.” Okay, now this is just fucking stupid. Let’s do a comparison, shall we? Israel has been a conflict zone for the past century. America has not seen war on home soil in over a century. Israel requires 2-3 years mandatory military service from its citizens, male and female, when they turn 18. Military service in America is purely optional nowadays. And when there was a draft, people fucking ran to Canada and Australia instead of serving their country. Anyway, think of the logistics. An American teacher would need to practice basic gun safety and keep the unloaded gun and ammo locked up in different places in order to make sure their students can’t get to them. When a gunman has burst into your classroom and has started shooting your students, you really don’t have time to unlock the gun and ammo, put it together, and start shooting, hoping you get the gunman and not accidentally shoot your students. “We should get military vets to protect our schools! They would love to protect a child!” Meanwhile, the same people who are saying shit like this are the ones who vote to cut mental health care for PTSD-afflicted war veterans. Ever actually live with a war veteran? I have. PTSD ain’t pretty. My dad fucking died from it. Last thing anybody needs is an armed war veteran who can’t afford mental health treatment having a flashback. And? Where is the money to pay for this going to come from? Because the people who are saying shit like this are the ones who would bitch from high heaven to hell and back about their taxes being raised to pay for it. Something’s gotta give here folks and it shouldn’t be innocent lives.